"Sorry" and forgiveness

"Sorry" is the word that I heard often from you.

You will kiss my hand, hug me, and comforted me while saying that words.

but then, the same situation again, and the word "sorry" is repeated.

And the things going round, and round, and round. Like a circle where I cannot run from.

Have you ever think about my feelings? Yes, I cannot reject you and you know that. slowly, this love become something different, facing to the wrong direction and I did not like it. 

Is it too much to ask? Is it so hard to do it?

It didn't even last days to make you forget about your "sorry".

Have you noticed that every piece of wounds that you threw on me leave some invincible marks that never be healed? And yet, you blamed me for not running into you every time I got something.

How come I trust you when you cannot even keep your own words?

I have learned that sometimes "sorry" is not enough. Sometimes you actually have to change.

a Little Prayer.

This is the prayer that I've found in one of the novel that I've read. This is beautiful and makes me think about a lot of things..

Doa Peziarah Santiago de Compotela... 

Tuhanku...
Bicaralah padaku bila aku kesepian
Bisikkanlah dukungan-Mu bila aku dirundung kecemasan
Dengarkanlah suaraku bila aku jatuh
Sudilah menjadi bagiku penghiburan dalam perjalanan
Tempat bernaung di waktu panas
Tempat berteduh di waktu hujan
Dan penolong dalam bahaya
Semoga berhasil
Mencapai tujuanku
Sekarang,dan juga nanti
Pada akhir hidupku...

My Lord, talk to me when I feel lonely, hear my sound when I fall..

Gravity

Something always brings me back to youIt never takes too longNo matter what I say or doI still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone
You hold me without touchYou keep me without chainsI never wanted anything so muchThan to drown in your love and not feel your rain
Set me free, leave me beI don't wanna fall another moment into your gravityHere I am and I stand so tallI'm just the way I'm supposed to beBut you're on to me and all over me
You loved me 'cause I'm fragileWhen I thought that I was strongBut you touch me for a little whileAnd all my fragile strength is gone
Set me free, leave me beI don't wanna fall another moment into your gravityHere I am and I stand so tallI'm just the way I'm supposed to beBut you're on to me and all over me
I live here on my kneesAs I try to make you seeThat you're everything I think I needHere on the ground
But you're neither friend nor foeThough I can't seem to let you goThe one thing that I still knowIs that you're keeping me downYou're keeping me down
You're on to me, on to me and all overSomething always brings me back to youIt never takes too long

It never takes too long..

Emotion

It's me. again. same time, in the middle of the night, with a lot of thoughts that need to be thrown.
Hmmm, where should I start?
Emotion, familiar with this word? People said that it is better to keep your mouth shout when you are in emotional state. I learnt the lesson.
Goodbye is a word that is easy to said, but it is very hard to understand the meaning of it. Yes, few months ago i mentioned earlier that I will put an ending to this unspoken feelings, but then it is very hard to do it. and again, i cannot control my feelings and ended up confessed everything to him. such a fool, aren't I?
It is not like I want to have relationship with him, I'm happy enough with my current situation. But again, this stupid emotion drove me. I felt jealous, angry, when ends he replied to the person-i-hate-the-most comment, when he doesn't even bother to reply mine.
yeah, I know. I shouldn't feel this way. His reply after that stabbed me. He said that "It should't be a problem between friends right?" . I feel like crying hearing those words. Yes, I'm just your friend. but am I feel greedy to ask for some special treatment?Not just---- friend?
I used to be your best friend after all and I really miss those moment now, especially when I have no one that could really understand me here.
all those feelings mixed up within me. I still want him to be my friend, yet I still have some lingering feelings for him. Now, he doesn't reply my message again, but I don't think that I could persuade him to reply it after I heard his words. I don't want him to feel forced my me, after all.
Someday, I hope he could read this and understand my feelings. I gave him this this blog though, but I don't think he will be bother to check it. :(
hahahaha, where was I just now? Yeah, It is better to close your mouth, tie your hands when you feeling something. You never know what you might do.